Oct 05, 2011 0 Share

Being Married to an NT


Man in tuxedo and woman in wedding dress facing camera.

I've been happily married to Emily, an NT, for close to seven years now. She taught me about AS...and then about NTs. Here's a few things she's helped me discover about how people relate: 

Knowing exactly when she'll be home from work each day is not in fact a matter of life or death. 

Timing matters. For example, if I'm thinking of going to yet another event or meeting on a Saturday, I don't mention it when she's wondering how much time we can spend together. On the other hand, if she's complaining of how little sleep she gets, I can tell her she can sleep in on Saturday without me around to disturb her. 

When I'm sitting in the car ready to go and she's running late to someplace we're both expected at, it may be mutter-under-my-breath time but it's not meltdown time. 

Maybe she just wants to tell me about the goings-on among her colleagues because it helps me understand her feelings, not because I can do anything useful with that information. 

Sometimes it's nice to be the one who wants to move on and agree to disagree. (It helps—if that is the word—that  she's a lawyer!) 

Sometimes just sitting with her without saying anything is good, because she wants to know I enjoy being with her. 

Trying new things, like Moroccan restaurants, can be good if planned in advance. Many people like to use restaurants as ways to explore other cultures. 

Some people can actually stand to watch others nonchalantly saunter across the street against the lightand still not even be tempted to honk at them! 

She wants to know how she looks—even when she already knows the answer she wants to hear!

It's actually possible to converse about emotional topics in real time, not just by exchanging emails! 

If a top executive is visiting the office, you should not only clean off your desk but also have your best recent written work within easy reach, and extra chairs not only for the executive but also any guests of his/hers. 

One can relax without rocking back and forth or side to side! 

Emily carries her bags to the door in the morning, looks for her scarf and talks to me ... all at the same time. (When reading this, she said she didn't think it was much of an accomplishment!) 

No (inanimate) explosive force on Earth matches a woman to whom you have just used the phrase "women more attractive than you." 

It's possible to meet someone who behaves in totally unusual and at times off-putting ways, put in loads of hard work and patience to understand them and love them for who they are ... as she's shown me for many years so far.